SUPA picnic photos are here.
Yesterday, I did something I’ve never done before. I got up in front of a whole bunch of people, played my ukulele, and sang. All By Myself.
The audience? All nice folks. I know most of them, because it was the SUPA picnic open microphone. I’ve learned songs from and/or with nearly all of them. Plenty of them have got up and played and sung songs in front of this group and they seem to walk away unscathed. No one hurls rotten fruit at them, no one boos and shouts “get off the stage” or “you suck!” from just past where you can see. So a kinder audience I could not have hoped for and yet, was I terrified? Yes, yes I was.
I’m not bad at the uke. I’m no fancy picker, but I strum okay and I think I generally sing on key. When I play on my front porch during the summer, sometimes passersby stop and say nice things. I’ve played in front of large groups before, but not alone, only with the backup of seven or eight or forty other uke players.
My song? The Rainbow Connection. It’s the first song I learned how to play and the song I play when I’m either warming up or just kind of noodling around with a uke. I know this song. I know the verses and the chords and the bridge and while the opening is a little low (WHY are there so many SONGS about rainbows…) it’s not a bad key for me. Before my turn came, I was thinking that if I didn’t implode while I was playing my song, I’d also play “I’m Beginning to See the Light” – another song I play all the time, plus, I have worked out a Big Finish ™ for it. It sounds great. You’ll have to take my word for it though.
I didn’t entirely lose my nerve. “Wow, I’m really nervous!” I said, right in to the microphone, and then, I played. I made it through okay, but I sang the wrong bridge once and at the end of the first verse and then headed straight for the ending. In the part of my head where stage fright lives, I was trying to be DONE. Oops. Slow down there missy, back to the second version, okay? Breathe. Stop bouncing your leg, it’s not helping you keep time. Jeez, relax already! I looked at the microphone and tried to imagine I was in my living room. I looked at J, who was wandering around with the camera. I looked at the kind faces of the other uke players. I survived, but there was to be no second song. I was just too nervous.
Plus, I told myself, I didn’t have the song sheet with me. This is actually a lame excuse, because when I’m feeling all showoffy around the house, “I’m Beginning to See the Light” is the song I play. Still, when your head is busy thinking about how People Are Looking At You And Thinking You Suck it’s hard to remember that you’re supposed to be on a G6.
I am missing the spirit of the thing, of course. I don’t play because I think I am a pro or because I think I have any potential to be a pro. I play because I really enjoy it. I just want to be able to share the songs I play at home with the people I play with once a month. That’s all.
Later that afternoon I sat between Gregg and Rodney, both experienced players, while the whole group played Hanalei Moon. I played like I play at home, relaxed, and Rodney picked out this beautiful interlude and Gregg played some alternative chords and it was , well, it just sounded amazing from where I was sitting and I got to be part of it. I’d like to be able to feel like that when I play in front of others, alone. Like it’s just fun and light and it floats away.
Practice, practice, practice, I guess.