Five things about Pirates of the Carribean

No, I couldn’t wait. Sorry. Sort of. Okay, not really. No spoilers, I promise.

1. Octopus head Davy Jones is just not the adversary that Geoffrey Rush (Barbossa) was, even with a sea monster at his beck and call.
2. If scurvy really did do a number on your choppers, there’s some reasonable facsimiles of shipboard dental work amongst the character actors.
3. Maurading islanders in a tropic paradise is a movie theme that never gets old, no matter how hokey it is.
4. Swordfighting stunts, on the other hand, unless extremely well done, start to bore me.
5. Orlando Bloom and Kiera Knightly could well be the most beautiful stars of the big screen today, but I’d trade both in the blink of an eye for Johnny Depp in beaded dreadlocks and smudged eyeliner.