A quick review, in case you’re just in: Angela Nickerson as part of her virutal book tour, agreed to do a “micro workshop” on Nerd’s Eye View. She provided the prompt, you provided the work. Here’s here take on what you’ve done – and many, many thanks for your participation! I’ve linked to the posts below, but I’ve left the pictures on the “home” sites. Click through to see the original posts, with photos, and to meet some interesting travel bloggers.
I’ll hand it over to Angela, now.
First, many, many thanks to those of you who participated in today’s travel writing workshop. What a delight to read such good writing and to visit such interesting — and diverse — places. Your submissions are a testament to the richness that comes from diverging from the beaten path. Thank you!
Ok, to the task at hand…
First up: Kiwiwriter
The Jailhouse Accommodation in Christchurch, New Zealand.
A prime example of ‘Gothic Revival’ architecture, this 1876 building has a colourful history. Designed by Christchurch architect Benjamin W Mountfort, it was the original Addington Prison – a lock-up for local crime-lords and petty criminals. But not any longer. Addington Prison has been transformed into The Jailhouse Accommodation and the only people who enter it’s doors these days are tourists looking for somewhere cheap to lay their head.
The new owners have tried to maintain the authentic prison atmosphere. Four cells, including the solitary confinement cell, are still in their original condition, with prisoner’s art work decorating the walls. The rest of the rooms have been renovated and are more inviting. Offering comfortable beds (straight from the 2006 Melbourne Commonwealth Games) and a secure and safe environment, the Jailhouse Accommodation is becoming a favorite among travellers, especially those on limited budgets.
It might not be your first thought when looking at accommodation in Christchurch, but a night in this jail is not such a bad idea.
Kiwiwriter, this is fascinating! First off: great choice of subject! You have chosen a building with an interesting history and an even more interesting transformation. As travel writers we have so many options for subjects, and sometimes narrowing our choices down to the most important and pertinent can be tricky. You have done that quite well! Your choice of details, too, not only describe the accommodations but also assure your reader that the Jailhouse Accommodation has overcome its origins to become a hospitable lodging choice.
I’d like to make one suggestion to strengthen this piece. While you have included reassuring details such as “comfortable beds” and “a safe and secure environment” just one sensory detail would enrich your description even more. Is there wildlife nearby that one might hear? Or perhaps the smells from the Accomodation’s caf©? Or is it silent/echo-y/loud because of the architecture? We are visual creatures to be sure, and a photo with words conveys one dimension of an experience, but we have other senses, too, and including those details enhances the reader’s experience all the more.
Great work! Thank you!
Next up: Mark
St. Andrew’s Church – Kyiv, Ukraine
No structure better captures the historical essence of Kyiv than St. Andrew’s Church. This cerulean-colored, baroque-style church was built in the mid-1700’s by the principal architect of “modern” Moscow, Ivan Michurin, based upon designs by renowned Russian architect Bartholomeo Rastrelli. Restoration of the church’s five bud-shaped domes and spires in the late 1970’s utilized Rastrelli’s original cupola designs that were found in Vienna, Austria prior to the repairs.
St. Andrew’s is the pride of the area, situated high atop Starokyivskaya Hill at the summit of ancient Andriivsky Uzviz. Located at this crossroads of Kyiv’s upper city and the working-class Podil district, the church is now a museum and the centerpiece of a modern bazaar. Artists and street vendors line the cobblestone streets sell their multi-colored matrioshka dolls and other Ukrainian goods from the confines of their white plastic tents.
Today, the church still plays host to occasional services of the Ukrainian Autocephalous Orthodox Church. St. Andrew’s is the perfect destination where visitors can immerse themselves in Kyiv’s architecture, history and culture.
Mark, I spent some time in the USSR back when it was the USSR, and I agree… you chose a fantastic example of ecclesiastical architecture. That cerulean color is amazing! I’ve never been to Kyiv, but I’ve just added St. Andrew’s Church to my list of things to see.
Your article is nicely structured and follows a classic funnel design — beginning with the broadest information and funneling to the most specific. You were only given 200 words with which to work, and this design lends itself well to short, concise pieces. Well done! You have also delineated three points to discuss: architecture (paragraph 1), history (roughly paragraph 2 — more on that in a moment), and culture (paragraphs 2 and 3). Your first paragraph is your strongest with the most specific details, too.
In the second paragraph I see a missed opportunity, however. You came in well under your given word count, and a few details would beef this up nicely and balance the piece. For example, you mention that “the church is now a museum.” What kind of museum? Is it worth the admission to go in? And what am I likely to see? Adding just 10 more words on this subject would substantially strengthen your history and/or culture points (depending on what the answers are). In contrast, you paint a lovely picture of the bazaar including the details about the “multi-colored matrioshka dolls” and the “white plastic tents.”
For all travel writers there is one other cardinal rule in writing about churches: if a church is dedicated to a particular saint, find out why. For many of your readers a church, synagogue, mosque, or other house of worship is more than just a building. And details like this can draw travelers to places they might otherwise skip. Not that every church named for a saint houses relics or has hosted miracles. However, if there is something of religious significance associated with a particular house of worship, state it. In this case, St. Andrew is the patron saint of Kyiv and, according to tradition, he erected a cross in Kyiv and predicted the construction of a great city. That’s an important local detail.
And on the photo: This photo is very well composed for the traveler. It gives a sense of the approach to the landmark building and what to expect upon arrival. However, if you are handy with Photoshop, take that telephone wire out of the photograph. Generally, I do not advocate retouching travel photos, but sometimes those little details of modern life are ugly and unavoidable. I think this would be a fine place to apply those computer skills.
Well done! A fantastic little trip for us all! Thank you.
Now, on to Amanda:
Bratislava’s St Martin’s Cathedral
To most visitors to Bratislava, this is simply St Martin’s Cathedral, an attractive Romanesque church with Gothic and Baroque twists added over the centuries. Now on the edge of the Old Town, it was in the center before the Russians destroyed the Jewish section and built an ugly bridge through the middle, separating the cathedral from the hill leading to Bratislava Castle.
To me, this cathedral is Roman’s cathedral. An academic friend-of-a-friend with a passion for entertaining tourists with tales of bygone Bratislava, on the day I first met Roman he told me about the New Year bells. He said that during communist days when churches and cathedrals were technically off limits, a university friend of his appointed himself responsible for winding the clock of St Martin’s each day, to ensure it chimed every hour as expected.
One December, this friend took a skiing holiday and asked Roman to wind the clock. Half of Bratislava was out in the Old Town waiting for the midnight bells to chime in the New Year. Roman tried to wind the clock as midnight approached. Something broke. The bells chimed ten minutes earlier, and Bratislava entered the New Year ahead of time.
Amanda, you have taken a different approach to the assignment, and I love it! You have managed to weave together historical information about an attraction with a personal anecdote in an attractive and informative blurb. And at 198 words, you still have 2 words to spare!
I am inspired by the number of “guidebook tidbits” that you’ve worked into this piece: style of architecture, relative location, WWII and Communist-era history (both of which are important in many such sites), another local landmark (Bratislava Castle), and local traditions. All of that without ever being pedantic. Indeed your story about Roman gives us an interesting lens on this lovely church. Bravo!
Now, let’s look at your second paragraph. I had to read this paragraph twice to get the true meaning, and I realized that my confusion came from your friend-of-a-friend’s name, Roman. When you read it, you read “Roman” as a first name. However, to those of us who don’t know this character, “Roman” first brings to mind the city in Italy and the Roman Empire. Additionally, the second sentence in this paragraph is a bit wonky (how’s that for a technical term!). I would suggest some minor rearranging and breaking that second sentence down like this:
Original: To me, this cathedral is Roman’s cathedral. An academic friend-of-a-friend with a passion for entertaining tourists with tales of bygone Bratislava, on the day I first met Roman he told me about the New Year bells. He said that during communist days when churches and cathedrals were technically off limits, a university friend of his appointed himself responsible for winding the clock of St Martin’s each day, to ensure it chimed every hour as expected. (75 words)
Edited: To me, this cathedral belongs to a friend-of-a-friend named Roman. Roman has a passion for entertaining tourists with tales of bygone Bratislava, and on the day we first met, Roman told me about the New Year bells. During communist days when churches and cathedrals were technically off-limits, a self-appointed guardian wound the clock of St. Martin’s each day to ensure it chimed every hour as expected. (67 words)
With just a little tweaking the identity confusion (too many “friends”) and the name issue is cleaned up. Replacing “friend” with “guardian” in the third paragraph fixes the inconsistency, too.
So, I think there are two things to be gleaned from this editing. First, read everything aloud before you submit it. Truly. It is amazing how many little problems you will find in reading something aloud because you are processing your writing in a different way. I will even read this post aloud before I hand it off to Pam (Done). Had you done that, chances are you would have heard the wonkiness of that second sentence and done a little reworking on your own. And second: watch for assumptions. “Roman” has several meanings depending on the context, so make sure the meaning is clear to your readers.
Amanda, marvelous work! Thank you so much for sharing it.
Lola‘s next.
Temple Expiatori de la Sagrada Famlia
What had disturbed Pablo Picasso to have damned Gaudi to hell? I was in Barcelona to find out.
Arguably the most famous masterpiece by architect Antonio Gaud, Sagrada Famlia was built to chronicle the history of Christianity. Upon approach, its sheer size and labyrinth of gothic spires instantly transport travelers to an otherworldly dimension.
A staunch Catholic, Gaud designed Sagrada Familia to boast eighteen towers; 12 representing Christ’s apostles, 4 for the evangelists, one for Mary, and one for Jesus.
Had this prolific work of Gaud intimidated Picasso? I pondered. I was finally staring at one of the most hideous buildings in the world, according to George Orwell. A winding staircase led me to the top of those spires, where I was humbly treated to a panoramic view of Barcelona.
Construction on the temple began over 120 years ago and based on Gaud’s initial vision, is nowhere near completion.
“My client is in no hurry. God has all the time in the world”, the famous architect was noted as saying.
Open daily from 9am, travelers can wander its towers, crypt, and interiors, and visit a museum exhibiting models of Gaud’s final vision.
Lola: another great choice of subject! And I love this photo — an architectural detail that captures so much of the building’s essence. Your prose is spare and elegant. Lovely! Like Amanda, you have woven together many of those “guidebook tidbits,” but your construction is quite different — more information-driven. And I love that you have included the religious underpinnings of the building itself. Within 192 words your reader knows the fundamentals of the design and the primary symbolism of the architectural structure. Well done! References to George Orwell and to Pablo Picasso serve as cultural reference points, too.
I’d like to see two things, however, explicated.
The first: translate Sagrada Familia. Just a parenthetical reference. But as much as I would like to think that most English-speakers could do their own translating, I know better. And knowing the translation of the building’s name enriches the text.
Second: the opening premise — Picasso damning Gaudi — is phrased in such a way that it assumes that your reader already knew that little tidbit. Again: those assumptions.
Instead of:
What had disturbed Pablo Picasso to have damned Gaudi to hell? I was in Barcelona to find out. (18 words)
Try this:
What made Pablo Picasso write, “Send Gaud and the Sagrada Famlia to Hell”? I was in Barcelona to find out. (20 words)
True, it uses 2 more words; you had a few to spare. But you gained several things:
1. A quote is always better than a summary.
2. In your summary, he only damned Gaudi — but in reality he damned the church itself, too. There’s power in that!
3. The summary is passive. Picasso isn’t DOING anything in the sentence. But the quote is active. Picasso is writing. And his own words are a command — another powerful sentence structure.
Lola, you’ve done a fantastic job here! And you’ve illustrated a great technique that I sometimes call the “George-Washington -Slept-Here Endorsement.” There is power in knowing that other famous and influential people have been there. And sometimes they have had the same reaction as one of your readers. When you find a great quote, use it!
Good work!
And finally, Di
Castel Sant’ Angelo, Rome
Castel Sant’ Angelo was commissioned by Emperor Publius Aelius Hadrianus in AD 125 as a tomb for his ashes and for those ashes of the emperors who followed. However, as one of the most original monuments in Rome, the castel has served different purposes throughout history.
In the Middle Ages the mausoleum was converted into a fortress and an underground tunnel was built, connecting the castel to the Vatican, allowing the pope to flee when in danger. Later the fortress was updated miltarily and adapted as a permanent residence for the pope.
The 16th century found Michelangelo at work inside the castel and a century later, Bernini and his students of sculpture created the 10 stunning figures of angels that line the Ponte Sant’ Angelo built by Hadrian in 136 AD, rebuilt after it collapsed in 1450.
In 1925, restoration work was completed and – Hadrian’s Tomb, city fortress, papal residence – was reborn as the National Museum of Castel Sant’ Angelo. Today, sitting serenely on the banks of the River Tiber, resonating with memories of Roman emperors, popes and artists, the castel plays host to tourists exploring the past in the ancient city of Rome.
First off: Di, you are writing about my favorite city in the world! Oh, and the view from Castel Sant’Angelo is unparalleled. This photo is lovely, too. You’ve captured the play of light and shadow from room to room, and the inscription over the doorway is a telling marker of both space and time. Lovely composition!
I also appreciate your approach to the assignment. This building is nearly 2000 years old, but you have summarized the salient periods of its history in 196 words and have included several commonly-known figures, too.
There is something which you have neglected to include, however, which would better link your written work to the photograph. Look above the door in the photo. The inscription reads: ” Pius IIII Pont Max” — translation: Pius IV, Pontifex Maximus (or in contemporary terms: pope). Pius IV (1559-1565) transformed Castel Sant’Angelo into a tremendous fort constructing the bastions and high walls around the structure. He also fortified the Passetto (the passageway between the Vatican and the fortress — which is ABOVE ground, not below).
Now, this is not common knowledge. I know Rome and this era very well. But with a little research, you would have had a hook for your piece that would have drawn the photo and the words together quite elegantly. As I said to Lola, this would allow someone in the story to DO something actively.
Like this:
Pope Pius IV had his name inscribed above a doorway in Castel Sant’ Angelo — just one of many famous Romans to make his mark on the 2000 year-old fortress.
Castel Sant’ Angelo was commissioned by Emperor Hadrian in AD 125 as a tomb for Roman emperors. However in the Middle Ages the mausoleum was converted into a fortress and papal residence. A fortified passageway was built connecting the castel to the Vatican allowing the pope to flee when in danger.
The 16th century found Michelangelo at work inside the castel and his contemporary, Pope Pius IV, strengthened the fort with bastions and defensive walls. A century later, Bernini and his sculpture students created the 10 stunning figures of angels that line the Ponte Sant’Angelo built by Hadrian in 136 AD and rebuilt after it collapsed in 1450.
In 1925, restoration work was completed and – Hadrian’s Tomb, city fortress, papal residence – was reborn as the National Museum of Castel Sant’ Angelo. Today, sitting serenely on the banks of the River Tiber, resonating with memories of Roman emperors, popes and artists, the castel plays host to tourists exploring the past in the ancient city of Rome. (196 words)
Because I added some information, I had to tighten up on a few sentences. But since your photo doesn’t feature something that is initially identifiable as Castel Sant’Angelo, you need to do a little work for your reader.
Kiwiwriter, Mark, Amanda, Lola, and Di: bravo! This wasn’t an easy assignment. Thank you for taking on the challenge! These are great photos and terrific pieces. Now, go out and sell them! And let me know where they end up being published!
Ciao!
Angela Nickerson
Angela’s book is called A Journey into Michaelanglo’s Rome. You’ll find her blog here.