Guest Post: My Sister is a Travel Writer

Last spring, I was invited to bring the coveted “plus one” along on the inaugural sailing of a luxury river cruise ship on the Rhine. The operator, Avalon Cruises, picked up the tab for my airfare, plus, covered all on-board expenses — cabin, meals, a modest bar tab — for the duration of the shortened sailing. My brother paid for his flights, but once he was with the media group, his travel expenses were covered,  just like mine.

This kind of travel isn’t usually my drill, I don’t cover luxury (can’t afford it myself) and I really hate boats — I get seasick. But I’ve long had a curiosity about the floating hotels on European waterways — they seem like a lovely way to travel. My husband declined to accompany me, so I invited my brother. We were both surprised to love the trip, and I wrote a few posts about it. I asked my brother to write about what the whole experience looked like from the “civilian” point of view — it’s, uh — well, you decide for yourself.

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I planned my trip to Europe for April and May. I am a shoemaker and all the best resources for making the shoes the way I do are in Europe. I try to go every year or so. When I go, it’s not so much of a vacation, but a combination of business trip and meeting with friends.

My sister, who is a travel writer, had received an invitation for a junket that sounded more like the kind of thing a tourist might do if planning a trip to Europe. I don’t usually do that kind of thing because it’s not the way I live. When I travel, I buy my food at the grocery store and cook at home, wherever that happens to be. My big weakness is for going out if afternoon coffee and cake. That’s a way of life in some European countries.

My sister, however, had bagged a cruise down the Rhine from Frankfurt to Amsterdam. In my planned route, I was sort of heading that way, so I thought it would be fun join her.

I didn’t understand why her husband didn’t want to make the trip. She had been given a suite big enough for two, wife and husband, or sister and brother. Since her husband is from Austria, I could sort of understand his indifference to a free trip on the Rhine. It’s not like he hadn’t seen the Rhine before. Like me, cruising on a fancy boat wasn’t his thing either. Still, I thought it would be interesting, why wouldn’t he?

Unsurprisingly we were the only brother/sister couple on the media rich maiden voyage of the brand spanking new Avalon Expression. Our parents had been talking about taking a boat like this and I thought it would be great if they booked a room while we rode along for free. As the maiden voyage, however, it was not open to just anyone. There were no “real” passengers. It was all travel writers, travel agents, media people and people from the tour company. Everyone was there by special invitation, connection, overdue perk, or some such thing. The operator was showing off their fancy new boat and making sure everything was OK before any “real” passengers came aboard.

Because she’s my sister, I was skeptical that the reason she got this free junket had something to do with her skill as a writer. She has to constantly remind me that she’s actually pretty good at what she does, which is why they invited her. I was sure we’d be floating along with a lot of similarly skilled travel writers.

I’ve done a fair amount of traveling, but it’s been for work, or study, not to write about it. What do travel writers talk about? Travel. It started immediately when we met up at the hotel before getting on the boat. Lots of stories about the trip over to Frankfurt (primarily from the US), and then, various plane stories. This could have gone on forever as most of these women (yes, all women), had traveled extensively by plane.

I took a seat in one of the lobby chairs while the travel writers took stock of their fellow travel writers. The porter collected our bags and we boarded a fancy motor coach for the drive to the boat. Actually, we had unknowingly walked just about to the boat on our own while killing time before we were supposed to meet up. We could have easily walked there from the hotel in a few minutes. I think the motor coach was supposed to be part of the experience. It was clear that we were no longer on our own, we were being handled. We would be handled and managed until it was all over, my job was simply to participate and allow it to happen.

I was a little disappointed when I saw the ship looked more like a floating Motel 6 than what I imagined a First Class river cruise ship might be. Once aboard, it was quite clear that this was no Motel 6. The hosts gave all the travel people an informational tour showing off the ship, but it was obvious to me how amazing it was. You’d have to be pretty blind not to notice all the thoughtful details. They had videos showing it off, and fancy brochures that tell you all about it, but it was most impressive in person.

I later learned that this ship is as much a function of European river engineering as shipbuilding. It is made to the maximum dimensions to fit into locks and under fixed bridges. It makes for a very rectangular design, like a river lock, with a bow and a motor, which I now see evident everywhere on the waterways.

On board. there was an expected shift from grocery store meals to fancy first class cuisine. I’m not a real foodie, but the food was fantastic. They also had coffee and cake in the afternoons (thank you, Europe). The program was so jam-packed with eating, visiting, cocktail hours, presentations, etc., you hardly had time to brush your teeth. With all the food and drink, I could see that it was important to keep folks moving lest they fall into a lethargic stupor. The folks from the company said that they knew as much, too. They are very aware of what happens on their ship, they planned every minute. The amount of effort that goes into trying to make everything just right is overwhelming.

A lot of social engineering goes into making sure everyone is having a nice time and getting along. I was there making talk with one of the organizers and some other travel people when one of the travel writer women I met on the first day wanted to introduce her friend to me. She said, “He’s a shoemaker! Isn’t that cool? I’ve never slept with a shoemaker before.” I was so glad that this exchange could take place in the presence of the very person whose job it is to bring us all together. That comment really caught me off guard. All I could say was, “Since we’re all sleeping on the same boat, I guess we are all sleeping together in a way.” I mean, what do you say in a situation like that?

It was interesting to have the cruise and the meta-cruise. I was not “on the job,” but the others must have been carefully analyzing the food or the drinks, and the quality of the deck chairs in the spring sun with the view of the castles. Clearly that’s hard work. The sun was shining and they were sweating. You don’t get invited to do work like that unless you’re really good at it. Who wants to read a boring travel story?

There was some talk of ethics. This was well before Snowden went public, so the discussion was pretty tame. What does it mean when the media kit is delivered on a new iPad? “Yeah, better take that with you if you want to read the media kit. That’s how we provide them these days.”

There was always nighttime entertainment. Mostly, it was in the form of a guy who was a caricature of a bad lounge musician. He had a midi keyboard that was pre-programmed to play anything you could imagine. He could probably just turn it on and walk away, but he sang and tickled the keyboard and looked earnestly at the people who walked by him to get another drink. The low point was actually one of the live bands we picked up in port. Towards the end of their set, they were covering Abba’s Dancing Queen. The singer walked out onto the dance floor to share the mic and dance with all of the four ladies in various animal prints who had filled the floor. It was like a bad office holiday party gone on way too long. The highpoint was a Dutch rockabilly band we picked up in Nijmegen who, rather than hang out on the lonely dance floor, brought the party to the bar. They just shoved in and started playing. It was great.

That was the finale party  — we would be pulling into Amsterdam in the morning. The organizers were finally able to relax a bit, so I asked one of them to dance. We had a nice dance and then I realized the animal print section had their gaze fixed on me like fresh meat had just been tossed into the cage. Lucky for me, the band was wrapping up and I could safely hide behind my big sister.

I can’t say I’d go out shopping for a fancy cruise like this, because it’s really not my thing, but I did have a great time. I think one of the reasons I had so much fun was because I could see how hard everyone was working to see to it that I did have fun. People working to make sure I have fun? That’s just not part of my daily routine.