Oh, Shit. I’m 55.

Here are 55 things I believe to be true.

1. When the dentist suggests you buy the expensive fluoride toothpaste, do it. 25 bucks for toothpaste is way cheaper than any other dental work you’ll have done, even a basic cleaning.
2. If you can find boring work for nice people that pays your bills, take it. Glam work that makes you suffer — financially, ethically, some third way — is overrated compared to paying your bills and using non-work time to do things you enjoy.
3. Go outside every day, even for 15 minutes. You will be a healthier person. You don’t have to get a dog to make this happen, but wow, it sure helps.
4. Dieting is bullshit, utter bullshit. Spend a few months counting calories instead. I learned too many of my calories come from carbs and sugar, and when I made the effort to shift that, my pants fit again.
5. Sometimes, you eat too many cookies and stay in bed watching TV because you feel like it. It’s not a great lifestyle choice, but it’s okay to make time for it if that’s what you need. Sometimes it’s what you need. 
6. It’s hard to ask for help, especially if the fates have made you a person who doesn’t trust easily. Asking for help is better than not asking for help. No one says they’re ashamed they waved their arms around when they were drowning. Nope. They are glad they were rescued. Wave your arms around. Grab the life preserver. Take the help.
7. Buying that box of washed greens means you’ll eat more salad instead of throwing out the bags of lettuce soup that gunk up your produce drawer. Better still if you pick lettuce from your garden, but not everyone has a place to grow greens.
8. There is no such thing as acting or dressing your age. It broke my heart when middle aged women would tell me they were too old to play rock and roll. Fuck that noise. Saying you’re too old for things is how you get too old for things. 
9. People freak out when you speak up about sexism and racism and you’re going to take shit for it. Ask yourself why they’re so defensive, ask yourself what’s in for them if they don’t speak up. They probably benefit in some way from not speaking up.
10. You don’t have to be Ina Garten or Jamie Oliver, but if you’re a grown ass adult and can move around a kitchen, you can put a meal on the table for the people you share your life with. Protein plus veg plus optional starch or carb. It’s not that hard.
11. Therapists know tactics for dealing with life when it gets hard, things your friends might not know. If you feel stuck and you’re boring your friends nonstop with your woes, it’s time to see a therapist. But it’s not a silver bullet and having true friends who you are honest with about your feelings, your struggle, can give therapy a run for its money.
12. People aren’t judging you nearly as much as you think. They’re not paying attention to you much at all. If they are paying attention to you, they want you to succeed.
13. Men and women can be excellent friends. Married women can be friends with unmarried men, or married men, and the same goes for married men, and for any adults regardless of their orientation. Also, online relationships are real.
14. Good neighbors are a joy. It’s awesome if they’re friends too, but it’s enough to have them be respectful and the kind of people who call when the garbage truck pulls the cable off your house along with a bunch of siding, the kind of people who genuinely believe you’re trying to teach your dog to shut the hell up.
15. If you can ride a bike, you can replace 50% of your driving with an electric bicycle. More if you get yourself some decent rain gear.
16. It’s super tempting to blame third party voters for democratic losses, but dude, HRC won the popular vote, Al Gore won it too. Decades of strategic gerrymandering and toxic propaganda and voter suppression are way more to blame than some dreadlocked white guy. Yeah, he’s annoying, but at least he showed up to vote.
17. Any place that serves breakfast all day will take care of you. It might not be great, but it will be fine and you will be satisfied.
18. It’s easy to make pie crust and it tastes way better than a store bought crust. People are impressed if your crust looks pretty, but they’re way more impressed if it tastes good. Plus, you’re feeding them home made pie,  you already win. 
19. Hang out with people who are driven by creating rather than by the attention they might get for creating. Put another way — give your time to people who say, “I like making art” rather than people who say “I want to be a famous artist.” Wannabes are focusing on the wrong thing and your attention is a commodity to them. Attention is nice, don’t get me wrong, but the work is its own reward.
20. Don’t do good deeds — including lending money — if you need something back. That makes it transactional and it’s no longer a good deed. Give because you can and want to help. If you don’t feel that way it gets weird, even if it’s a mere tenner. 
21. Yes, it’s good to clean the bathroom, but your guests visit to see you, not to assess your housekeeping skills.
22. When you see something and think, “Oh man, that’s perfect for…” buy the damn thing. Don’t wait for a special occasion to give it as a gift. 
23. People are into shit that you don’t get at all. If they’re excited, not hurting anyone, and everyone’s consented to whatever weirdness is happening, like, I don’t know, a Game of Thrones marathon, well, be a good friend and listen to them. Ask why they like it or what they get out of it. You don’t have to join their scene to say “Wow, that is not for me, but it’s sure working for you. I’m psyched you’re happy.”
24. You can have friends you don’t see or hear from for ages and they’re still good friends. You can pick up where you left off when you get together after six months a year five years whatever.
25. Sell-by and use-by dates on most things — including food and medication — are nonsense. No, seriously, look it up. That yogurt is fine, you’d know if it wasn’t. Don’t look at me like that.
26. Apple should not have got rid of the iPhone’s headphone jack. That was stupid.
27. Always say yes when the restaurant asks if you’ll share a table. Always. If you’re sitting at the bar, always say hello to the person next to you, you’re sitting right there, after all.
28. Sometimes, even though it seems expensive, you gotta pay a guy to do a thing. The guy has all the tools and knows how to do the job. You’ll make nine trips to the hardware store, still get it wrong, and three days later, it won’t be fixed. Call the plumber, already. Or whoever.
29. Go see a doctor once a year. Even if you’re fine, it’s one visit, and you’ll get a flu shot and your blood pressure checked and an appointment for a mammogram or, I don’t know, all the standard human maintenance. Schedule it around your birthday if you’re forgetful or you don’t like seeing the doctor. It’s one visit. 
30. Changing the oil on your car every 3000-5000 miles extends the life of your vehicle.
31. It’s nice to have a car when you travel, but if you’re staying in a city, you probably don’t need it every day. Hotels charge a fair bit for parking, too, money you could spend on umbrella cocktails. Take public transit or a shuttle to your hotel and rent a car when you need it. It’s often cheaper to rent a car away from the airport, too.
32. It’s okay to not be into board games or sports.
33. Learning something new, even if you’re not good at it, is a great way to blow the cobwebs out of your brain. Learning something new and finding you’re good at it is intoxicating.
34. Unless it’s very cold at your destination, you can travel almost anywhere with one carry on bag.
35. Listening to a book on audio counts as reading.
36. There are a million reasons your work gets rejected and hardly any of those reasons are about your work.
37. Nearly all the rules about how to work at home are garbage. People choose to work at home because they’re more productive away from rules, or they have their own damn rules for how work should be done. In my experience there are two things you need to be effective working at home. One, a solid way to communicate with your client or employer. Two, a client or employer who doesn’t care where you are when you do your work. Everything else is window dressing.
38. Have friends of all ages. Some of my favorite people are 20 years younger than me and the ideas they expose me to are different than stuff I’d explore if everyone I knew grew up watching the Brady Bunch with me. Some of them are a fair bit older, and same, with the added perspective of history.
39. People say clumsy, mean, inappropriate things. Before responding try to consider where they’re coming from. If they’re being naive and you have the energy, try to respond in a way that helps them learn. Sometimes, they’re being an asshole and it’s okay to tell them to fuck off.
40. Be wary of those who live in homes with bare walls and no books.
41. People who say “I don’t watch TV” and then watch a bunch of stuff online are un-selfaware. It’s okay to roll your eyes at them.
42. Well into my late 30s, people asked me when I was having kids. The idea that women should breed by default is so outrageously outdated; it’s time we put that to bed, already. Not everyone wants kids. That’s fine.
43. Comfortable shoes are the way to go. Hurting yourself for fashion is how the man keeps you down. 
44. It’s easy to blow off protesting and say that nothing changes as a result, but marching with thousands of your closest friends is inspiring and it makes you feel like you’re not alone. That is a good place for change to start.
45. A lot of clothing labeled Dry Clean Only is machine washable on the delicate cycle. Don’t put it in the dryer, though. Bonus, line dried laundry is one of life’s underappreciated pleasures. The sheets especially, they smell amazing.
46. Always be nice to people in customer service jobs. Restaurant staff, retail workers, bus drivers, flight attendants, anyone working with the public, in person, all day. They’re on the receiving end of who knows what kind of ire. If you can’t be nice, at least be polite. The obvious exception to this is the cable company billing department who seem to instructed to be as difficult as possible at all times. Fuck those guys.
47. Gas barbecues are great because you can grill all year round with no hassle. 
48. Living in the bubble is comfortable and safe. You run into your queer pals at the dog park, the supermarket has tons of gluten free food, there’s diversity of all kinds, it’s great! But it is essential to get out of the bubble, it keeps us from having lazy ideas about the world, about the people we think of as our opposition. It’s easy to dismiss Indiana until you’ve been to Indiana.
49. I don’t always want to wash the dishes before I go to bed; I don’t have a dishwasher. But I’m happier when I take the 15-20 minutes to clean up. Making coffee in a clean kitchen is better than making coffee in a messy kitchen first thing in the morning.
50. Once you get past the self conscious feeling of being alone, reading a book while you have dinner and a drink by yourself is great. Get a table, you don’t have to sit at the bar if you don’t want to.
51. Always know where there’s a flashlight and spare batteries.
52. It’s better to pick someone up from the airport than it is to give them a ride to their departure. Unless they’re traveling for something sad, like a funeral. Otherwise, err on the side welcoming them somewhere new rather than sending them off from where they’ve been.
53. Figure out how to make good coffee (or tea if that’s your thing) at home. Don’t cheap out, get the beans you like. Cafes are great and I love my local, but I also love sitting at my kitchen table drinking coffee exactly the way I like it. You’ll save a lot of money, too. 
54. Don’t waste time reading things that do not interest you.
55. It’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing. Everyone makes it up as they go along.