I’m freshly back from a media trip* that pitched itself as a “Girls Getaway” themed event. The trip included the option to go snowshoeing — a sport I enjoy but haven’t done enough of lately. A good friend was going and she had never been snowshoeing; it’s so fun to go with beginners. I was psyched about the destination (and the snow, did I mention the snow?) but wasn’t in love with the itinerary. There was a lot of wine too early in the day for me, and a private shopping session that included the possibility of getting a custom made bikini. There was a spa visit, there’s always a spa visit with women’s travel, it seems. I will never say no to a massage, but I do wonder how it is that fashion and wine and beauty treatments have become synonymous with women’s travel, as though that is universally what we want when we leave home.
*My trip was mostly paid for by the Hood River County Chamber of Commerce.
I will admit to a fair bit of cynicism on the outset of the trip. The last thing I wanted to do first thing in the morning was reveal my soft midsection to a tape measure. I had to shut up almost immediately upon meeting the founder of Melika Swimwear, a woman who was not what I expected at all and was, in fact, kind of a badass with totally out feminist ideas and merchandise. Furthermore, yeah, I could get a bikini if that’s what I wanted, but I could also get a full rash guard, boy shorts, tights, swimdresses and skirts, a full range of options for coverage and modesty and body type. As I chatted with the owner about her politics — she was not a 103 pound waif, but rather, an adult woman with meat on her bones — I felt my edges soften. The whole situation was way more “You GO Girl” than “You’ll look super cute instagrammed in this scenic background that is only here as window dressing for your thin/pretty/young/probably white self.” Melika’s was first in a full day interacting with women in travel -centric or -adjacent businesses.
Even with women carving out their place in travel, the predominant images we see are still very standardized. Rarely do we see women who are, for example, fat. A fat woman featured in marketing materials is described as subversive, as though fat women don’t exist in our world at all and have been somehow manifested solely for the purpose of this weird objectification rather than as just other people in the world who might, you know, like to travel and go swimming and have a fancy meal and stay in a cool hotel.
I once attended a conference where the talk on what women want in travel was given by — you guessed it — a man. Any number of dudes in the travel industry have told me they’ve been hit up to express opinions on women’s travel. A local travel conference published their proposed agenda and it was shockingly free from women. Rather than send them a proposal, which probably would have been more effective, I sent them a link to this website.
None of my companions for these three days of travel were your typical “influencer” (barf emoji goes here) types — they were opinionated and strong, physically, even. I thought, hell, why is women’s travel so frequently marketed to us as though our concerns are so shallow? Furthermore, why is women’s travel seemingly targeted at getting us to spend money in ways that feed on our insecurities? Safety, companionship, and fashion are huge marketing points for women’s travel. Why isn’t it targeted at connecting us with women-run and -owned businesses instead who support our independence, our variety? Also, why, Why, WHY does it always have to be pink?
You know what I want from travel? Me, a real live woman? I want a bed that’s comfortable and a room that’s quiet at night. I want good coffee in the morning, preferably in my room, though if I have to go to the lobby to get it, I will. I want experiences that make me feel great, that make me feel smarter, stronger, more interesting, and if I look good doing those things, that’s cool too, but it’s not the goal. I want to be treated as though I am knowledgeable by default, not as though I require educating, though I am very open to learning, so I like experiences that encourage questioning, whatever that means. I want my appearance to matter not one goddamn bit unless I decide I feel like it matters. (This does not mean I’m exempt from dress codes, should they exist, but in those cases, I want them to be the same for men and women.) I want to be left to my own devices to see what happens. I want to interact with people who are beautiful because they are interesting, not the inverse.
The fashion industrial complex has preyed on our insecurities for decades, centuries, perhaps? And if there’s a woman alive who hasn’t been spoon fed the idea that it’s dangerous for her to be out there exploring the world on her own — no, I haven’t met all the world’s women. She could be out there, but I doubt it. Plenty of marketers will sell you the world as a backdrop for your floppy hat and flowery sun dress, plenty of others will sell you their travel services as providing a security you do not need. Let these vapid tropes die a great fiery death, please.
I greatly enjoyed Caitlin Moran’s book, How to Be a Woman (Amazon link, I got mine from the library on audio, it’s terrific). Early in the book she introduces her barometer for sexism and it’s so simple, I think about it all the time. In my vernacular, it’s “Are the dudes doing it? If the dudes aren’t doing it, maybe there’s a problem.” Are the dudes in travel preying on each other’s vanities and insecurities? I’m not sure they are. They’re as guilty of using the world their own personal set as anyone, sure, sure, but I’m not convinced they’re being hammered with messages that they mustn’t head out on an adventure without the correct hair products or before sacrificing limited carry on space to a pair of shoes that works well for chic dining as well as walking tours. Fuck that shit. I’m not convinced that fear is fed to dudes intravenously, either. Group travel for them is about the parties, not the dangers.
I’m all for ditching the dudes and hanging out with the sisterhood for a few days, especially if they’re as badass and wonderful as the women I just traveled with. (“Boys ruin everything,” one of my companions wryly stated, and it can be true.) And I get that marketing is one of those necessary evils that makes the economy go round. (It makes my own personal economy go round, I write a fair bit of marketing copy even while reading Adbusters and getting a good 75 percent of my wardrobe from second hand stores.)
But we need a shift.
Here’s my question: What if, instead of focusing on the insecurities of women who travel, we focused on the women owned businesses who make travel great? What if we followed the example of the folks I just traveled with and did that, instead?
This is why I was so psyched about my planned trip this spring. (Until I cancelled it). Twenty women together to pound clay, blow glass, and hammer iron. A resort setting that advised us where to pick up some whiskey on out way in.
Men weren’t part of this excursion because they wanted women to embrace their badassery without having to tell a guy to shove off.
I’ll find more women-centric trips that don’t depend on shopping (boring!). Or start trying to go alone.
Sad thing is I rarely even read travel ads that are marketed to women only, as they are just as you described. So, if the ad for your trip came my way, Deb Roby, I guess I missed it. (It does sound amazing though, so can you share the details?)
Love this point of view and post. When I tell people I backpacked for nine months, I always get the same reaction..”By Yourself??” Yes by myself. People would be surprised to know how many solo female travelers I met who went skydiving, journeyed into hostile regions, and more.
As a beginning travel blogger and entrepreneur, I absolutely agree with your message about supporting other female entrepreneurs not only in the travel industry, but in others as well.
Pam, what a great post and summary of your visit. It’s unfortunate how these narratives span not just travel but so many of the tourism/association based industries. Thank you for your authenticity and for visiting Hood River. It was awesome to meet you.
Redefining travel for women is just what my company, Serendipity Traveler, has been doing for more than a decade. Women supporting women to experience the world. Many women need encouragement after a death, divorce or health crisis and can use travel as a tool for transformation, wellness, and personal growth. The art of travel is indeed an art and a well edited and thoughtfully curated itinerary is somewhat rare in the travel industry. The joys discovered while traveling in a small group of women sharing the spirit of the locale authentically exploring creates memories to endure.
35 years ago, I spent 3 months and 12,000 miles moving from Boston to San Francisco, accompanied by a chorus of, “Aren’t you scared?” and, “Stay safe,” from strangers.
I thought the world had changed, or, perhaps, that now that I’m 60, other people wouldn’t assume that it is dangerous and scary for me to be alone in the world. I’m on an extended solo road trip, and I got the first, “Aren’t you scared,” the very first day.
What this woman wants when she travels is a quiet, clean, cheap place to sleep (I bring my own coffee) and human interactions that go beyond surprise and condescension.
I’ve only just began traveling and luckily I’m kind of oblivious to all these “women travel” marketing (or maybe I simply ignore it). For one part I think: why the fact that I am a woman MUST make this a “solo woman travel”? Why can’t it be JUST be “travel”? But then, I can’t help but see that women have different preferences or needs, although they aren’t base on fashion or spas (which, by the way, are every bit as enjoyable for man). For instance, a woman sure can use an filthy bathroom, but will most likely value a clean one for obvious reasons: it’s harder to use since you can’t sit, if you’re on your period you might get stained, not to mention the perils of unloading your menstrual cup! But those are factual conditions, not phantoms of insecurity.
I consider myself simply a traveler in a journey of self-improvement. I have plenty of male friends who are on the same road. Why can’t we both be marketing-targeted without being set apart?
I *do* think there are times when women have different needs, security, a higher bar for hygiene at times, but like you say, men do benefit from places being clean and safe. I think the ideas around what women seek when they travel are outdated, though, terribly, and sexist, and I was glad to have them shaken up in ways I didn’t expect on this trip.