Louder

It’s been a week since Naomi and I helped M. get to her family. When you literally shelter a refugee who’s been persecuted by your government, when she sits at your kitchen table, when you do her laundry, and put her up in your guest room… the experience leaves an impression.

It’s underscored my rage toward people who did not take the threat of 45’s administration seriously, towards those who dismissed B*nn*n’s racist policies and their implementation as a passing whim, towards anyone I met while caucusing for Bernie who said, “If he doesn’t get the nomination, I’m voting for Tr*mp.” Toward Evangelical Americans, towards apathy, towards all those fucking think pieces about racist white middle class Americans who shop at Target just like you and me, see how normal they are? Bullshit. They’re not normal, they’re hate fueled fear mongers poisoned by greed.

Every time someone says “Most people wouldn’t have done what you did,” I have to think, “Yeah, that’s not true.” If I called you and said, “Hey, can you help out? I’ve got this young woman, she needs a bed and a ride to the airport,” you’d say yes, wouldn’t you? I’ve taken in all kinds of travelers for a night or three, sometimes they’re literal strangers until they show up on my porch. I’ve been stuck while traveling myself and I’ve been saved by strangers opening their doors, of course I’d do the same.

I’ve spent every day this week wondering when the next one arrives. I’ve spent a day or three wondering when helping out will be a crime. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about how I’ll be fine here in this gorgeous blue bubble and also, I’m resourceful as fuck, I’ll manage if it comes to my need to do so. I’m fine. But.

We’re playing a game right now, the game is “What would you have done during Nazi times? You’re doing it now.” This game sucks because it’s not fun and these people are fucking Nazis.  I don’t care if they shop at Target. I care that they’re putting eight year old girls in prison. I care they treat refugees like criminals. I care they’re attending rallies calling for the deportation of legally elected members of Congress.

You think they’re not Nazis? Last week a friend posted a photo of a vehicle flying a Nazi flag in his Seattle neighborhood. We are not having an “agree to disagree” moment, we are having a “this is fascism on the rise, innocent people have already died, the government is blackmailing families and fanning the flames of hate so which side are you on” moment. This game is way too real and there are Nazis.

There’s this phrase that gets kicked around — “virtue signaling” — and I think it means “Look at me saying the right things so you’ll think I’m good.” It’s an accusation, a critique, and I feel it’s meant to silence outrage, it’s meant to shut down people calling out bad behavior but maybe not taking action against it.

Fuck that, fuck silencing outrage. It has occurred to me I need to see more people doing good work, and doing it very loudly, so I am not washed in despair, so I don’t also think, “Most people wouldn’t do what I’ve done.” I need to see it, to hear it, so I know there’s a wellspring of resistance. I need to see your good work so I know what else is possible, so I see other ways to help.

I attended a Close the Camps vigil two weeks back; it was a small and quietly moving ceremony hosted by Seattle’s Japanese community. The man leading the event was a soft spoken human, so eloquent, and right now, I am sorry I cannot tell you his name. “There’s a Japanese saying, ‘The nail that sticks out gets hammered the hardest.’ Sometimes, you have to be that nail.”

If you’re reading this, you know someone who has housed a refugee in her home. Here we are, at the place in the story where regular people are taking in refugees and helping them get home.

Yes, shouting “Hey, that’s wrong,” is not enough and also, it’s a start.

Louder. I can’t hear you.